


Things I Write While Drunk

by YukiDaviji



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Catholic Guilt, Character's Name Spelled as Viktor, Christophe Giacometti's Stripper Pole, Drunk Katsuki Yuuri, Drunk characters, F/F, Gen, I Simp for JJ, I Was Drunk When I Wrote This, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I have no idea what simping is, I'm not sorry, Isabella Bashing, JJ's not an asshole, Kittens, M/M, Multi, Pole Dancing, Read at Your Own Risk, Stripper Katsuki Yuuri, Yurio just wants to go home
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:28:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26289484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YukiDaviji/pseuds/YukiDaviji
Summary: A collection of the writing I do while drunk. Will at some point encompass multiple fandoms. Currently, it's just Yuri On Ice.Tired to start it out as a story but wasn't able to figure out a plot for the first thing. Writing includes my random thoughts as I was writing.Chap 1: Everyone's Drunk at the Barcelona banquet.Hijinks ensure.I'm not sorry for this.
Relationships: Christophe Giacometti/Christophe Giacometti's Boyfriend, Christophe Giacometti/Jean-Jacques Leroy, Christophe Giacometti/Victor Nikiforov, Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Lilia Baranovskaya/Yakov Feltsman, Michele Crispino/Emil Nekola, Mila Babicheva/Sara Crispino, Otabek Altin/Yuri Plisetsky, Phichit Chulanont/Phichit Chulanont's Hamsters, Potya/Christophe Giacometti's Cat
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	Things I Write While Drunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone (except Yurio and a few others) end up drunk at the Barcelona banquet. The stripper pole makes another appearance. 
> 
> Yurio just wants to go home. 
> 
> Skaters travel with pets because they're comforting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every single skater is there because I can’t recall who was actually at the final besides a few skaters. If they weren’t in it, they were watching it. I also don’t know ages of everyone or drinking laws in spain. So I guessed, if they’re not drinking, they either don’t wanna or they’re too young.
> 
> I'm a JJ fangirl, so I would skip this chapter if you really really like Isabella.
> 
> Mostly description, no dialogue.

Once upon a time…uhhh…I have no idea.

Drunk Chris 100% tries to sleep with everyone or seduce them. Yuuri goes with it like the last time they got drunk together. Normal people are terrified because of all the stripping. Might as well just be drunk, it’ll help.  
Viktor drunk…throws money at Chris and yuuri because somehow he carries around a ton of singles. He also throws a medal at one point. No one knows where the medal came from because everyone is still wearing theirs (even if they’re stripping. Medals and nothing else). 

No one knows where the stripper pole came from either. Chris travels with it, because it’s fold up able. 

Yurio is disquieted and wants to go home, but Viktor won’t let him and he’s his ride.  
Yakov is nursing a drink and sobbing about Lillia. 

Georgi is crying over Anya while hugging Yakov. He is a very sad drunk. Someone somehow gives him a stuffed animal to hug, so he hugs it while rolling on the floor crying. JJ gives him back pats. 

Phichit thinks he’s snapchatting and social media’ing but instead he’s actually buying a ton of hamster goods on amazon. He keeps them when they show up at his house. His hamster is very happy. It has a habitrail that’s an entire room now. There is no room for anything else in that room. 

JJ’s even more cheerful than normal. But no one cares because everyone’s drunk. He kisses Chris while drunk. Chris wants more. He does not participate in the stripping because even while drunk he’s still really Christian. But he’s pretty sure he’s going to hell because he kissed Chris.

Drunk Otabek is far more talkative than normal. He also dances. He’s very good at dancing but he keeps trying to DJ in the middle of his dancing. Yurio does not want to join, but Beka keeps dragging him into a weird mosh pit of himself. 

For some reason Potya and Makka are there. Makka ate all the refreshments so there’s only booze left. Never drink on an empty stomach. Yuuri picks up Makka and somehow manages to pole dance while holding a large poodle. 

Isabella was never invited because I dislike her because I simp for JJ. (Someone please explain what Simping is…) Or she was and she got drunk and cheated while JJ was still sober so he broke up with her, then started drinking because he was really sad about it. Either way, JJ’s now single. 

At some random point Beka manages to lose his shirt. It is never found. (It made it’s way into Yurio’s suitcase). Yurio remains fully clothed and disgusted expect about Beka because Beka is really really hot with his shirt off. Even if he keeps trying to mosh and grind when there’s no mosh pit. 

Lillia is drinking but glaring at everyone and is very disappointed in Yakov. Were they married? I’m pretty sure they were married at some point. If they wren’t, they are now. But they’re divorced I guess.

Somehow Pichitt has managed to fix his social media. He lives streams everything. Chris is thus contacted by porn sites who want him to dance, he does it because he’s Chris and he feels empowered by it. His boyfriend is 100% ok with this.  
He also now has an only fans. It’s the most popular thing in the world. Many of the things on it are just him with clothes on because Chris isn’t a slut, no matter how much he seems to like cuming on the ice. One day on his birthday, Viktor gives him an entire ice sculpture of his boyfriend. It is currently kept in an industrial freezer. (Chris/Ice/Boyfriend). 

Emil keeps trying to hug everyone. He stays on the floor hugging the sobbing Georgi. (Emil seems very furry, like good furry. Like you wanna pet it it’s furry and loving). He tries to hug Mikey but is pushed away. He is now sobbing on the floor with Georgi. He is finally hugged by a drunk, naked, Yuuri who after he’s done dancing is now once again trying to hug everyone. He gets all the hugs back this time because everyone’s drunk. 

Mikey keeps looking around for Sara but can’t find her because she’s off drunk with Mila somewhere. It just makes him angrier every second he can’t find his sister. (Get this man some therapy, he got major sister problems). After several hours of being unable to find her, he punches a hole in a wall. And is immediately hugged by Emil again, and is then also hugged by a still crying Georgi because Georgi is sad and wants love. 

Mila keeps trying to get Yurio to drink. It doesn’t work, ever. Finally she gives up, drinks the booze she was offering and goes off with Sara. 

Seung Gil left as soon as Yuuri got drunk. He is happily in his hotel room with his dog. 

Leo is just plain confused as to what is going on. He’s trying his best to understand it. Guang-Hong is trying to explain it to him, but it’s not working because everything keeps changing. (Both are sober). They are also attempting to stop Phichit from spending all his money on hamster goods/hamster themed skating outfits. 

Minami is running around wearing Yuuri’s old costume. He is not drunk, he’s just very happy. He is adorable. 

As for the aftermath: 

Yakov has to pay for all the damages to the area for some reason even though he didn’t start the drinking or pole dancing. 

Yuri’s Angels become even more vicious because they don’t like Beka because they want Yuri. At least some of them are ok with it, but are scared of the other Angels. It’s like Charlies Angels, but if the Angels were the bad guys. (I’ve never seen Charlie’s Angels). 

JJ’s Girls gain even more girls after the Chris Kiss. (Plus that 40 year old man whose in it for some reason. I’m not joking, I’m not sure what episode but there is a 40 year old+ guy in one of the episodes with the Canadian flag sitting with JJ’s Girls. The fan club needs a new name). They have a very sophisticated hierarchy that is based around Medieval royalty. There is no Queen. All the Girls are Ladies in Waiting or Maids in waiting or Nobel Ladies, (there is no Royal Family besides JJ right now). (I swear I’ll shut it about JJ….one day.… BUT IT IS NOT THIS DAY).

(Other Skaters need official fan clubs. We only have two official names of fan clubs). 

JJ stops kissing ice after he realizes he skated after Chris. Congrats JJ, you just kissed Chris’s jizz. It tasted like Swiss chocolate somehow. (I think the Swiss make chocolate…some place besides France in Europe does…)  
At least he stops kissing ice for a while, does it again at the next banquet and ends up with his tongue stuck to the ice because it’s ice. He gets ripped off the ice by Beka at some point who ends up giving him hot chocolate to fix his tongue because they trained together and are friends (even though Beka refused his dinner invitation…because he’d be a third wheel. No one wants to eat dinner with a couple when you’re alone). 

JJ also does not recall the Chris kiss the next morning but Chris does. Chris does the Viktor and decides he wants a threesome with JJ and his boyfriend. JJ is terrified because he has no idea WTF Chris is doing in Canada or why he’s naked in his house. 

That is now the plot of Season 2, partly. 

Yuuri is also there because drunk JJ asked him to coach him. Viktor comes too because he won’t let Yuuri go anywhere alone. JJ is really confused and terrified to as why all these skaters are in his house and why a good number of them are drunk. They stopped for booze on the way, JJ doesn’t keep that much booze in his house….actually I’m pretty sure he’s either living with his parents or at his college so it’s even worse. His parents are even more confused, and he’s got 10 siblings and some are younger..JJ is now 100% convinced he’s somehow going to Hell and he has no idea how it happened. His parents are unable to remove Chris because Chris is still doing the Viktor.

And yes I mean that in every way possible. Chris is doing the Viktor.

Somehow Chris’ cat, which is now named Bae, turns out to be male and now Potya has ktitens. (All the skaters brought their pets. They help de-stress them because competition is stressful).  
YAYY kittens. Makka is the uncle. The kittens keep trying to scratch Viktor because Yurio won’t teach them not to because he thinks it’s funny. Yurio makes Chris pay kitten support because his cat is the daddy and daddy cat needs to take responsibility for the kittens he created. They are very pretty kittens and are very fluffy because Bae is very fluffy. They are distinguished by different color ribbons (like Bae wears in that one IG pic if you watch the entire episode ending). 

For some reason the IOC and Skating Federation (or whoever oversees this) allow next years Banquet to happen even after what occurs at Barcelona. They have not learned their lesson and probably never will. At least it makes the internet happy.


End file.
